What the Hell am I trying to do?

ImageWhat the Hell am I trying to do?

Readers of this blog will perhaps not be surprised that I like to entertain people and have found a few ways to do that through videos, audio projects, live performances and even illustrations and paintings.

And it might seem obvious why I have chosen this path.

But to be honest, I sometimes have to back up and look again to examine my motives.

Like a lot of folks, I find I have to concentrate on doing projects that will pay my bills.  I can get very excited about some job that pays well, when if I am totally honest about it, I couldn’t care less about anyone listening or watching the finished product, and wouldn’t cross the street to experience it myself.

Other projects are infinitely more rewarding artistically, might inspire and even enlighten others, and pay nothing at all, or even cost me money.

Other things I get myself involved with ARE exciting, but to others more than myself, and so I do them, but they remain distant from my own interests.

I’m sure you can think of things in your own life that are similar.  Your allegiance to things depends a lot upon what they might mean to your own comfort and survival.

So, it can get confusing when I look at my career and try to focus more intensely on what it is I truly want to do, irrespective of other considerations like money, approval or fame.

It reminds me of a time when I was on Hollywood Blvd once when I was about ten or 11 years old with my father on my birthday.  He told me we could go in any store around there and I could choose a reasonably priced gift.

Hollywood Blvd was in a little better condition in those days, but not too much better.

“What do you want?” my dad asked me.  I discovered that this was a very tough assignment. I wasn’t actually able to make a choice.  We wound up going to a movie or something.

To this day I have trouble choosing when the choices are “open-ended”.

And so it is with me with the kind of things I get myself into professionally.  I’m a bit promiscuous in that sense, by which I mean I will choose something just to fill the gap, not necessarily wait for the ultimate, proper or appropriate opportunity.

That’s me.  And it keeps me, as you have seen, extraordinarily busy.

But what do I REALLY want to do?

Tough one, that.

I know I like to hear the laughter of an audience.  I know I like to be stretched creatively and work with others on something new and extraordinary.  I love music, comedy and the sensation that I have left people feeling better than when we first met.

I would like to figure out some way to exhilarate an audience.  To make them shout and go, “WOW!!!”  There have to be many ways I can still do this… I’m working on it.

I’m trying to help people convince themselves to be happy.  Shouldn’t be so hard!  One would think that people would want to convince themselves to be happy, especially with so much unhappiness available.

So, nothing profound here.  Just musing about motives, inclinations and desires.  And of course, the “wanting to” will lead me somewhere, probably some unexpected territory.  I’ll be happy to send you a postcard when I get there.

And by the way, you can see me live in JIMPRESSIONS on Saturday, February 2 at 8 p.m. at The Acting Center, Hollywood.  For tickets and info: http://www.theactingcenterla.com/jimpressions

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Published in: on January 20, 2013 at 4:59 pm  Comments (8)